She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
