Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize