I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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