last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
