peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
