Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
