I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So many bounce houses so little time
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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