I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
