On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i think my cat just said my name.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
