I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You took a bar mat shot.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
