The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
