The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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