Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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