I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
