apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
