You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
