Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Randomize
