I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
