I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
