He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
