ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
