Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
