just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
