He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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