Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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