I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
