we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
