I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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