Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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