I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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