at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
