and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
