I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
NoShamevember. You game?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
