I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
