I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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