id be glad to
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
