she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She's just so happy...and so naked.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
