Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
