my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
