in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
