Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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