when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
