is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
