She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
