5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
