Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(256): View more from Alabama

Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?

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(310): View more from California

Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta

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(513): View more from Ohio

you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.

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(303): View more from Colorado

It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?

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(937): View more from Ohio

All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!

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(235): View more from

Why is the turtle in the toilet again?

(1-235): View more from

Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila

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