If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Apparently you make a good broom.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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