We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
do nipples grow back?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
