She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
