Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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