FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
