If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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