So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
