you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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