hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
