you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
