I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
