Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize