Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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