I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
