Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize