so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize