it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
