My brain says no but my pants say off.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
