I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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