i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
