dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
