drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
