There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
