I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Holy shit dude........stairs
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
