UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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