I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
