I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
