At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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