Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
