sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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