Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
