Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
