dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
