he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have already put on my inside pants.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
