operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
