Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize