I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
