dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
