If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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