these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
