then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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