i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
