I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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